newww

well today was pretty awesome! i went to dance class EDGE . at first i was havin a hard time but yeah was all good. friend helped me :) sooooo; ughh at this moment im like in my deeeepeesssttttttt point. thinkin bout whatve done before. damnn i couldnt count the meann things ive done to my X. real shit; not my current X but the old one. dman i was pretty mean like i used him and all, pushed him away and crap but still, i guess until now he cant stay mad at me which is sad. and i think karma hit me so bad cus what i did to him, my current X is doin to me. pushin me away & stupid me cant let go. ughh am i naive or what? seriously, ive been trying to do my thing which is get rid of him in my system but im so stubborn. =/ i still want him back after what he did to me. i email'd him and told him that imma leave him alone but deepinside of me it was all a lie. cus iknow i cant do that. i know i should be happy cus hes happy right now but it damn hurts!

to him: (even tho he cant read this) as i sit here, i wonder how i let so much time pass, i will never understand the power that you had over me, power that i gave you. my weakness is, im afraid to let you go. afraid of unknown and rejection.how do i start all over again, where and with who? you know me very well, from top to bottom, inside out. i can be strong until it comes to youmy independence,leadership, PRiDE, and control are second to you. damn you and damn me for loving you more than i love myself. more than my happiness.


*life is so cruel. i gave love but didnt get the love i wanted in return. "/